When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
