if you like me you must not know who I am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
