i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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