Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
