Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
