remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
