What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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