Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drake has all the answers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
