Barsexuality is the new black.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize