No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize