I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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