you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
