You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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