Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
