Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
