Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
