So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
