i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy sore nipples Batman
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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