Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
