He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
