Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
