Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
