I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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