she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
