my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
