I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
