Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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