It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
