oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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