Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they're like a gay fantastic four
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize