Screwed.edu
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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