i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize