i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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