eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
