Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
