Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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