3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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