My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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