She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
