I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She tied me up with her honor cords...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
