So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
