Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
