I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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