i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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