he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
