you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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