don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
