i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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