Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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