I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
