Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
