When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
