I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
