Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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