Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize