I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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