New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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