I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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