I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
