we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
