sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize