So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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