i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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