my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
