Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
