4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
