She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
