i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is my gift to your gina
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
