if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so let's talk penis.
two words: eviction party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
