Don't you send me to vm
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
