This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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