her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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