i may or may not be watching the land before time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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