Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
