she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
