Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
