there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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