I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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