The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
