I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize