Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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