how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
