i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
