He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
