when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
