Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
