I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize