I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
