I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
