How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
