Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
