I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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