I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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