Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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