Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
