Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM VODKA MAN
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
