remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they're like a gay fantastic four
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your penis caused this!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
