I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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