you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
