Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
