I'm laying in your front yard are you home
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
